It usually goes something like this:
"babe, can you pick me up some tampons on your way home from work?"
"uhh, well, umm. hmm. I don't know babe. Can't you get them?"
"but it's an emergency, I can't leave now"
"oh, an emergency. Hmm, ok. ahh, yea. (sweat starts to drip) How about them Twins? Can you believe they traded Santana? Crazy huh?"
"Cmon babe, quit screwing around. If you really loved me you'd do it for me. What do you care what anyone thinks?"
"I'll try babe, I don't know. I'm not quite sure ahh, ahem, ahem. (clear throat) Can you believe the weather outside? I can't believe it's so damn cold. Oh, gotta go, emergency here at work. I think the phone is cutting out. I can't hear you. See you when I get home"
After I get home..
"Did you pick up my tampons?"
"Oh damn, I knew I forgot something. I'm so sorry babe."
glare, scowl, frown. bad man! bad!
Now I'll do just about anything for Anna when she asks, but I have to draw the line somewhere. When she was pregnant I remember going out in the middle of the night to get ice cream, tacos, and all kinds of other crazy stuff. No problem, that was all fine and dandy. But I refuse to go buy tampons for a woman. I'm sorry, but that is not something that a women should ask a man to do. It's unnatural and just plain cruel.
All you men out there know exactly what I'm talking about. When we hear the question we start to sweat and fidget right away. Most men won't even walk down that dreaded aisle at the drug store. For some reason it just makes us a little queasy to even be in the vicinity of them. It's almost like kryponite for superman. I really don't understand the physics behind it, but I think it might have something to do with the space time continuum. Or something with the subatomic particles that make up the tampon. Einstein covered this phenomenon in his general theory of tamponivity and it has been corroborated in numerous scientific studies since.
So women, as you can see this is not the fault of men that we are unable to purchase tampons for you and we should not be blamed or held accountable. It is quite simply a scientific fact that we are powerless against.
Don't even ask. It's futile. You have tried many times in the past and now you know why it has never worked.
On a slightly related note, check out how crabmommy describes how to make a tampon wienerdog.
This is so weak. I think I will deem a few acts that necessarily occur in the course of a relationship as simply arbitrarily "unnatural". How about cooking dinner for you. I think this is even more unnatural than a simple request to pick up a shopping item. Some people believe it is human nature to act in ones own self interest, if I am feeding you, I am not feeding me and keeping all my tasty cooking for myself. Natural law dictates that I look out for myself, so I better eat all the home cookin'. Also, I think it is unnatural that I have to pick up your dirty underwear and other clothes off the floor, and especially, not ever knowing if they are clean or dirty (because you throw all your clothes on the floor) having to perform the dreaded sniff test. This is an abhorrent and extremely unnatural act. The most reasonable response to avoid this would be to not do the laundry at all....
ReplyDeleteI am with Anna.
ReplyDeleteYou just need to suck it up and buy the tampons!
With a little practice, you'll get so good at it, you won't even remember what the problem is/was.
MK
hey mk. thanks for the comment. well... Hmm.. yeah... I promise I'll think about it. I'll get back to you. this is a major life changing decision. I just don't know if i can do it. :-O
ReplyDeleteDude, if you can handle poopy diapers, you can handle tampons. Just mix them in with a few other things you need and they'll all roll anonymously down the conveyer belt and into a nice, close bag.
ReplyDeleteok, ok. You win.
ReplyDelete